Harsh Reality
03.12.2005 @ 11:17 am

My suckage on updating continues. Go me. At least I'm being consistant with something. A decent handful of things have happened since I last updated so I've decided to go with a multi-bulleted theory for this entry.

I guess first off, Lauren and I broke up on the 21st which is exactly one week after Valentine's day. While most people were recovering from their Presidents Day shopping spree, we were having a frank and honest discussion about the state of our relationship, or rather, the state of her feelings for Joyce. Actually she broke up with me which is sort of like the shoe being on the other foot and writing with your opposite hand. Or something like that. Anyhow. It's fine, we're still seeing each other - it's just that she's got shit to work out about feelings and forevers and togetherness or not with the (formerly ex now current) best friend.

Lauren and I are going to Deleware to visit her friends Josh and Alyson. We've booked the hotel like good little tourists and Rachel will be going with us too. Yay. I like Rachel. Anyhoot, we're going on Good Friday (Which is March 25th for all you non-christians out there) and staying till easter morning. We'll leave around 10 or 11 so we can make it to my aunts house for easter dinner. Ham, yum.

In keeping with the theme of this entry, I filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and had my court date on February 23rd. All the papers are signed and have been delivered to the court and I'm now officially debt free. All of this could have been avoided had a certain EX not removed her name a week after I broke up with her from the credit card we shared and left me with all the accumulated debt on it. Actually it could have been avoided had I not let her charge a trip to California, all subsequent expenses there, a tongue ring piercing, books for college, bedding and 'necessities' for the dorm room and gas for the car - but that's neither here nor there I guess cuz in the end I got fucked for the bill. And now it's over and I have one step left in removing any trace of her from my life. Aside from, of course the 6 years of my life that I can never get back, but I digress.

I haven't worked since May of last year. This is attributed to several factors. The first being that I was a slacker on unemployment and didn't start really looking for a job until it ran out which was in October. The second and most important factor which gets the Harsh Reality of Life Award is that I look like an ass. Or perhaps some homeless person, only better dressed. My real life friends will know what I'm talking about even though we don't talk about it and it's become the White Elephant in the Room for the past few years now. By the way, his name is Hector and he's very secure in his masculinity and yes that is a pink tutu he's wearing while filing his nails. Anyway, I'm talking about my mouth. I wear a funky retainer that some hack dentist put in to 'protect' my teeth. Why do they need protection? Well, there's a certain EX that got the better of me one fateful night and punched me in the face. Repeatedly. Needless to say, the relationship was over soon after that, but the effects remain. All of my front teeth were chipped. Anyways, now I've been told by a few prospective employers that despite my mad skillz, I'm virtually unhireable because they don't want to put me in a business situation with a client and have it be an 'embarrasment' for both of us.

After my initial pissyness and freak-out, I called my friendly neighborhood dentist Dr. Larry. Dr. Larry is the best. I've been going to him since I was in 7th grade. Anyway, we've mapped out a plan of attack and Operation Make Kim Socially Presentable and at Least Able to Smile is underway. So underway in fact that I go for panoramic x-rays on tuesday morning to my surgeon, bring them to Dr. Larry that afternoon, and he'll call the lab to make the first possible appointment for me to get impressions so he knows better what he's working with. The next three weeks or so are going to be filled with laughing gas and drills and x-rays and impressions, caps, crowns and a root canal or 6. After all is said and done, I'll have my old smile back again and will actually be able to open my entire mouth to speak or smile, rather than perse my lips together and hope the person I'm talking to has bad eyesight, enough empathy to not ask, or the knowledge of my backstory. So anyway, that's what's up with that. I'll put up post-op pics when I'm done aching and being sore and a bitch to deal with. I'm not enough of a masachist to put up pre-op pics cuz frankly I can't stand looking at myself any longer than I have to most days. Also, another Harsh Reality Moment was when I was going through pics and realized the last picture ever I have of myself open mouth smiling is my senior year cap and gown picture. It was taken when I was 16. I'm now 31.

So there is fertility amongst my family members, this much I've said before but now I have some eerie due dates for ya. My cousin Michele is due next month, which is no big deal and not happening on any significant date, but get this shit. My cousin Val is due on May 21, the day my dad died. She's almost sure that if her son is born on that day, she's going to name him Robert (after her dad that died in 96) and his middle name will be Russell (after my dad). Also, Dawn is due on the fourth of July which is kind of neat. Now my cousin Cheryl is pregnant again (Val's sister) and she's due on my mom's birthday, October 28th. Heh. Go figure. Still, I'm feeling like odd man out and like the barren old maid cuz don't you know?! I'm the only one in my family who hasn't popped out a spawn of my very own. Give it time kids, give it time.

Life makes lemonade out of lemons if you want to drink it or not. Nicole emailed me. Strangeness. 2 days after Lauren and I broke up. More strangeness of the Twilight Zone variety. Anyhow, we emailed a few times then she called me and we've been talking ever since. We were gonna hang out last saturday but she had to cancel so I'll probably see her tonight. Two nights ago we were on the phone for 3 1/2 hours just bullshitting. It's strange, but she's the first person in a very long time that I can bullshit for that long with on the phone. And it's an even more amazing thing cuz she's uber-shy and doesn't talk much at all. So yeah. Probably see her tonight and go to Georgies and drink beer and play pool then go back to her place and throw G. Love, Jack Johnson and Donnovan on random play on her CD player and bullshit some more. I've missed her and she's admitted as much that she misses me. It'll be nice to see her again.

Which lends to my being preoccupied cuz I know that Lauren is going over to Joyce's place tonight to 'talk' about everything that's gone down. Joyce now has a girlfriend who's name is ironically enough, Kim. For some backstory, Joyce is the reason Lauren and I broke up in the first place. Actually, it' would be Kim and the fact that Lauren couldn't handle seeing her with Joyce and had much of a Harsh Reality moment of her very own. So, we broke up. And this all has to do with more of the same shit in this entry (point #4) that I really don't feel like rehashing for fear of regurgitating last nights dinner. I have a track record of not puking even once a little bit since I was 6 and I'd like to hold onto my crown for a little longer thanks. Suffice it to say that it's a big dyke drama that I never guessed would turn into one but hey, put three dykes in a room together and chances are that at least two of them have slept together. Go figure.

Speaking of dyke drama, Jeanine emailed me 2 nastygrams about how she's all pissed that Lauren and I are (were) together and how I betrayed her trust and I'm cliche dyke and blah blah blah, bitch, moan, grudge. There were more child-like scribblings in there but I couldn't see past the bad grammar, 3rd grade spelling and toddler tantrum to grasp anything else. I think the gist of it is that I'm a bad person. What-the-fuck-ever. She needs to get over herself and get her facts straight cuz Lauren and I didn't get together until the very end of October, a full 5 months after I was Jeanine's one night stand back in May. Which hardly even counts because I knew I was gonna have to say goodbye to Lori the next night and was all sorts of fucked up over that and over how much I loved her (Lori, not Jeanine) and how she was leaving anyway - so lets just chalk up my barfly behavior as a need to get back at Lori for leaving by having sex with the first person who offered to take me home from a bar in the Village in NYC and go on with our lives, shall we? It's not the first time I've used someone like that and probably not the last. I'm not proud of it at all but lets call it what it is. Okay?

So it's almost noon and I'm being a slacker. I need to pay some bills online and also go to the food store to pick up necessary items. A shower would be good too but I just can't bring myself to move. This is brought on in part by the Playstation 2 sitting on my coffee table that I received from Lauren as a Valentine's gift. I have 3 of my own games, plus Anne Marie lent me about 10 of hers. Right now I'm all into Rachet and Clank. Very reminicent of BanjoKazooie and I'm so totally hooked. Not to mention my personal favorite and the whole entire reason I wanted a PS2, Kingdom Hearts and the very highly anticipated and drooled over Kingdom Hearts II. Best. Games. Ever.

Gotta motivate my ass to shower and food shop. That's it for now kids. Stay tuned.

~~Kimber

|

. . .where i've been // where i'm going. . .

Last Five:
08.02.2005 - Untitled
07.20.2005 - Obligitory link
07.03.2005 - till then
06.16.2005 - Multi-bulleted Update
06.16.2005 - Coldplay, 'Green Eyes'