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Confessions at 2am
10.26.2004 @ 2:26 pm

Yeah okay. That was interesting. Went to hang out with Nicole last night. We went to Georgies, played pool, then went back to her house so I could fix her computer. See, she's great. There's nothing wrong with her. I'm crazy about her. But also, I'm crazy about Lauren too. Again, Nicole and I talked about not getting involved. How she doesn't want it. Doesn't want me to get attached and look for more. Okay, yeah. So I thought about it all night. Thought about my round about way of asking Lauren for more and realized that I really didn't ask, did I? I mean, in my own way I danced around it and tried to get her to say it for me so I wouldn't have to say it myself and have her say no. But she did that anyway, right? So I left Nicole's at 1am.

At 2am I was sneaking in the backdoor of Lauren's house. I took my shoes off so as not to wake her up, opened the door slowly and lo and behold - she was awake. And very confused. Apparently she forgot to set her alarm and thought she was late for work. I told her she wasn't, crawled in bed with her and we started talking about stuff. Stuff about Nicole and us and then she asked suddenly, "wait a minute. Why are you here at 2am?" heh. Took her a while to realize it. We talked about everything for a good long time and after all is said and done - she asked me out and I am now 'spoken for'. heh again.

Yeah, it's what I want. Though I'm crazy about Nicole, there's something missing. A few big somethings. Namely - I don't love her and she doesn't love me. I always kidded around with Nicole and told her that I'm crushing on her big time. And I was. It was crushing, not love. She doesn't want a commitiment from me or anyone else - she just liked the attention I gave her and how I treated her. I have that stuff with Lauren. I love her, she loves me, we both want a comittment, we both want this to work. And regardless of what anyone else is gonna assume - no, we did not get together to spite or hurt anyone else. This is just the way things happened, it wasn't planned, but we're grateful for it and we're not gonna not be together.


. . .where i've been // where i'm going. . .

Last Five:
08.02.2005 - Untitled
07.20.2005 - Obligitory link
07.03.2005 - till then
06.16.2005 - Multi-bulleted Update
06.16.2005 - Coldplay, 'Green Eyes'