Welcome To My Logic
10.20.2004 @ 1:10 am
Greetings and salutations friends and neighbors. I'm sure you're sitting there saying "What the fuck?" and I wish I could say I'm just as surprised as you are, but I'm really not. Not in the sense that I just sat here and deleted exactly 372 entries that spanned almost 5 years of my life and I knew I was doing it so - I'm not so much surprised per se as feeling a bit cleansed.
They're gone. Don't bother trying to look for them. If you look at my profile page and scamper all the way down to the bottom, you'll see that this in fact is the second entry.
Shocking I know.
I've been doing something I swore I'd never do. I've been sitting here obsessing over past diary entries. Debating on if I should leave them open for public view or delete them all together seeing as I no longer have a gold membership. That gold membership thing is sneaky for sure. See, I made private a whole buttload of entries and when my membership expired and I didn't fork over the 30 clams to keep them that way, they all became public.
Can't have that now can we?
See, I've moved this three times. I've been here over four years. If you do the math (which I did) that means that every 9.6 months I've had to pack up my shit and move to another location. Meaning I had to hardcopy to my computer every entry and image, set up a new account, and upload it all to the new place. Exhausting work I tell you. Completely exhausting. Then I'd have to be careful who I gave the link to so certain people wouldn't find it etc, etc ad nauseum. So I did the only thing I felt right about. I have firmly ensconced on my hard drive every entry I ever made and I've deleted all of them from diaryland.
See, my philosophy is this: If I start deleting entries because I'm afraid someone is gonna see them, then I'm really not all that comfortable with them in the first place. I'm not saying that I was wrong for putting them up or that wasn't how I felt about whatever I was talking about, nor how I still feel about said situation now: I'm just saying that there are some things that not everyone needs to know. There are some things that I put here that I'm not all that ready to pull out of the box again and when Jane Internet emails me about something I said back in 2002 wondering what I did about it, or berates me for saying such and such back in 2003 it, well. . .it down right rattles my cage and dredges up stuff I no longer wish to think about, or am not ready to face head on.
That being out of the way. . .
Hi, I'm Dory.
Seriously though, I'm gonna give this diary thing another shot. I haven't updated in over a month and while I do miss the writing, I really haven't had all that much to write about. Well, scratch that. Truth be told, I have plenty to write about but nothing I'm comfortable putting out there in print for the entire frickin' free world to see - and some third world countries 'cause apparently my readership extends to Malasia and Saudi Arabia. Well, at least it did back when I had a gold membership and I could check my stats and trace ISP addresses. Ahh the good old days.
As for a general roundup of what's been going on in my head ('Cause I know y'all are on the edge of your seats saying "Where in the world is Kim?"), here's a little peek:
I'm still having issues over Lori leaving and the aftermath of everything she lied to me about which hey, funny enough was everything, Nicole's sudden distance (haven't seen her in almost a month (long story) and I don't know when I'll see her if at all), the lack of work I've had to endure since May, my unemployment stopping in 3 weeks hence my meager income stopping, the not at all sudden or unforseen developments in mine and Lauren's relationship and the effects it will have on many people (i.e. ex's) but most importantly ourselves, my mom's health and keeping her healthy, piddly-dick little projects I haven't finished yet around the house, my mom and I are looking into moving south (i.e. Pt. Pleasant areaish) which means the piddly-dick projects become Must Do Immediately projects, the wonderful budding friendship Lauren and I have entered into with her landlords who are the complete opposite of landlords and more like really amazing versions of the perfect roommates (We're all going away together from November 5th through the 7th to Massachusetts!!), why I frequently turn into a complete and utter dickhead and shut everyone out that loves me (i.e. Jenn, Tara, Alissa, Anne Marie, etc, etc, etc), wanting above all to get preganant As Quickly As Possible (which as it turns out is very difficult seeing as, (a.) I'm a flaming homosexual (who knew!?) and, (b.) I really have no male friends willing to cough up the little swimmers needed to begin the process), only 67 days left till Christmas!!!, how much my relationship and/or lack thereof with my sisters and brothers has effected me and why the hell do I suddenly have the urge to get to know them all but am completely clueless on how to do it, the (also sudden) need to be a part of my neices and nephews lives, and. . . .do you really want me to go on?
Didn't think so.
So yeah, plenty on the brain - not so much flowing through the fingers recently. I'm gonna try to change that cuz if you know me at all, you know that if I don't have some place to put it all I'm bound to explode at some point. And we all know my exploding isn't a pretty sight. Those that have survived Mount Kimber's Rain Of Fire And Brimstone and lived to tell about it are scared for life.
So, that's it for my first entry. Not too shabby I'd say. Stick around. . .there's bound to be more.
. . .where i've been // where i'm going. . .
08.02.2005 - Untitled
07.20.2005 - Obligitory link
07.03.2005 - till then
06.16.2005 - Multi-bulleted Update
06.16.2005 - Coldplay, 'Green Eyes'